I’m completely mental.

It’s been a tough mental week. Meaning, I’ve had a hard time staying on the positive side of things and in turn it becomes a battle of the mind.  On top of that I’ve also been learning that I’m a bitch selfish and a control freak.  But let’s cover one thing at a time.

So.  Jeremy has been unemployed for almost a year now. It sucks. I really miss being able to go to Joanne’s Fabric and spending 40 bucks on material, baskets, and crafty things.  (Pardon my complaining, but you chose to read this. Take it as you will. Hehehe.) I miss going grocery shopping and not freaking out if the bill is over $50.  I hate being behind a month on certain bills.  I also hate that we never know if Jeremy’s unemployment checks will go through.  For instance, we usually get deposits for two weeks worth on Thursdays. This week, he only got payment for one weeks worth.  Lovely.  We’re back to this not knowing crap  business.  So here’s where the battle comes in play.  There are lots of friends around us who are getting promotion in jobs, and  we. are. struggling. It’s very hard to be happy for them (which we truly are), while we are facing such a hard time. It’s a difficult thing to step over the huge elephant and pick up your pity party, and just walk on.  Usually I can do okay with walking on. But this time, it just got the best of me, and I dawdled in my pity party for a while. It’s not at all pleasant.  It’s an ugly feeling.  The enemy had a field day with it, and he won a 1st place ribbon.  But guess what? He cheated. So it doesn’t count.  I’m really happy for my friends who got their promotions, and I know the Lord hasn’t forgotten us.  Something is waiting in the wings for us, and I know it will be great.  On the way to work Friday, I was told prompted  to think of all of the things in my life that are blessings, and you know what?  They WAY outnumbered the puny things I think are negative.  So I brushed off the negative, and now look to the positive blessings.  Lesson learned.

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Control Freak.  Yes, that’s me.  The Lord has graciously helped me to see that I am a total control freak!  I never realized it before!  And what goes hand in hand with being a bitch control freak?  Being selfish!  Oye!  I’m trying to think of an instance that I can post here without hurting anyone’s feelings. *chirp, chirp*  * chirp, chirp*   Okay got it.  (And this is a miniscule instance. There are other substantial situations.) I was running the lights at church last weekend, and the trash bin in the sound booth stunk like a vomited in toilet to high heaven!  I took it to the kitchen and washed it out after service to rid it of the stench. I grabbed a trash bag, and put the bin back in its designated spot.  I hung the bag over the side and taped a note to the trash bin saying “I will line this tomorrow, it’s wet and drying out.” – Lisa K.  So I get to church the next morning, and what do I see? Someone threw away my note and lined the trash can with the bag.  This totally pissed me off irritated me!  I was thinking to myself “Can people not read??  I said I would do it!!!!!”  So because I was not in control of the situation, and didn’t get to finish out my plan, I was pissed offended!  I sat down at the light board, with steam coming out of my ears.  After a minute, the Lord stopped me and told me to chill the hell out showed me that someone did it so that I didn’t have to.   I should have been thankful, but no. I took offense to it.  I’m  glad I’ve been shown the areas that I’ve been selfish and bitchy control freakish.  I don’t want to be that person.  It’s wasted energy to be a control freak, and there are other areas in my life where I can put that kind of energy. Lesson learned.

 

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I’d love to see some comments posted here.  Let me know if you’ve dealt with a challenge this week and if so, how you did you repent change your ways?  I believe we all can learn from each other and how we handle things. 

That’s enough for this week.  I was going to apologize for making such a downer of a post. But you know what? I’m not sorry. It’s my life, and I’m still a princess regardless.

Lisa

P.S. As I was finishing up this post, this song came on, and I just LOVE it!!!